Friendship Frustrations

“Did you hear that, Larissa?!” Hallie excitedly asked her friend as they walked to their homes after piano lessons.

“I did,” Larissa replied, but she didn’t seem to fully share her friend’s enthusiasm.

“Mrs. Ellison said I have ‘fantastic dynamics’ and…and…oh, what was the other thing?”

“Advanced sightreading” Larissa finished. “I know. You’ve already told me twice.”

“Oh, you’re just jealous,” Hallie shrugged off her friend’s frustration.

“What?!” Larissa was shocked at her friend’s accusation. “Well, you’re just a snob!” she retorted.

“A snob?! I am not! I’m just a better piano player and you know it!”

“Never mind, Hallie, I’m going home. I don’t want to be friends with a snob.”

“Fine! Bye!” Hallie stormed home in a fury.

At home, Hallie moped in her room as she mentally justified her actions and words with Larissa. Even Mrs. Ellison recognized my talented playing. If Larissa were a good friend, she’d compliment me instead of being jealous, she told herself. I’m not a snob! I was only repeating what other people said. Just then, Hallie’s brother Logan appeared at her door. “Dad says it’s time for family devotions,” he said. “Coming,” Hallie sulked.

“Okay, everyone. Tonight’s reading is in Luke 22. Who can get there first?” Hallie’s dad challenged as Hallie sat down on the couch. Hallie didn’t feel like competing, so Logan beat her easily. “Okay, Logan, you win. You can read first,” Hallie’s dad praised Logan. As Logan read, Hallie’s mind drifted back to her argument with Larissa. Then her dad’s voice broke into her thoughts. “Your turn, Hallie. Logan stopped after verse 23.” Hallie began reading.

“Also a dispute arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus said to them, ‘The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves”’ (Luke 22:24-27).

“What do you guys think of the passage?” Hallie’s dad asked his family.

“I think it was silly for the disciples to argue about who was better,” Hallie’s mom said.

“Yeah. They were with Jesus – and He’s greater than everyone!” Logan added.

“That’s right,” Hallie’s dad smiled. “Think of all they could have been learning and how they could’ve been helping each other – and instead they were pridefully arguing about who was the best!” Hallie re-read v. 24 to herself: “Also a dispute arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest.” Sounds familiar, she thought.

After family devotions, Hallie was again in her room, pondering her argument with Larissa. This time, though, her thoughts were different. Recognition isn’t that important…True friends put each other before themselves, and I wasn’t doing that…

It seemed to Hallie that her resolve was leaving her as she walked to Larissa’s house. With trembling hands she rang the doorbell. She had never been this nervous in her life – not even at a piano recital. What if she’s still mad at me? Hallie wondered. What if we’re never friends again? Her worries were cut short as she heard someone come to the door. It was Larissa. “Hello – oh. Hi, Hallie,” Larissa said quietly.

“Hi, Larissa. Do you have a minute?”

“Sure,” Larissa shrugged as she stepped outside.

Hallie took a deep breath. “I came to apologize,” she said. Larissa looked up. “True friends should put each other before themselves because God wants us to be humble servants, like Jesus was when He washed the disciples’ feet. I was putting myself first. I’m sorry, Larissa, for not being a good friend to you. Will you forgive me?”

Larissa dropped her gloomy countenance and grinned. “Of course I’ll forgive you. I wasn’t being a good friend, either. I’m sorry. I guess I was jealous – you do play the piano better than I do.”

Hallie smiled at Larissa. “Wanna come to my house?” she offered to Larissa.

“Sure,” Larissa replied. "Let's practice our duet."

As Hallie got in bed that night, she thought about her day. Larissa was a good friend – they had had so many good times together. Hallie felt foolish for ever having argued with Larissa. She was so glad she had swallowed her pride and asked for forgiveness. We have many more good times to look forward to, she smiled to herself.

Sharpening and Spurring

In the late 1700s, two young British aristocrats were entering their political careers. One of them, William Pitt, had high political ambitions, but his friend, William Wilberforce, seemed to lack a clear sense of direction. Although a new believer in Christ, Wilberforce was a devout one and wanted to spend his life serving God – he just didn't know how to do it. Tradition has it that one day Pitt spoke with his friend Wilberforce under an oak tree and challenged him to take up the fight against Britain’s monstrous African slave trade. It was a gigantic – no, impossible – task, but Wilberforce followed his friend's suggestion. He had found his calling.

It would be a lifelong battle. For the rest of his life, Wilberforce fought discouragements such as ill health, the deaths of co-laborers and friends (including William Pitt), and countless political defeats over and over and over again. I can only imagine the sense of triumph he had when, on February 23, 1807, the vote was cast and his bill for the abolition of the slave trade was overwhelmingly passed! The entire House of Commons erupted into cheers for William Wilberforce and his tireless advocacy for those who had no voice.

But Wilberforce didn’t stop there. His friend William Pitt had started him on a journey that was now filled with all the passion Wilberforce could give to it. Now he set his sights on abolishing slavery itself. While no more slaves were being trafficked to Britain, there were still so many who were already slaves in Britain. Twenty-six more years of grueling schedules and sleepless nights would prove his commitment to his cause. All his hard work was rewarded, however, when slavery was finally abolished in Britain on July 26, 1833, only three days before Wilberforce died. Slavery was over in Britain due to the efforts of one man to live in obedience to God – and to the efforts of his friend who inspired him.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” As close Christian friends encourage and challenge each other, they are sharpening each other for work in God's kingdom. Spurring one another on to good works is one of the reasons we have friendships. Challenging your friends doesn't mean nagging them or making them feel inferior because they aren't following your suggestions. To truly spur your friend on, make note of their talents and kindly point out to them opportunities to make use of those talents. William Pitt saw Wilberforce's passion for Christ and justice and abilities in politics. “Did you see that they need a pre-school teacher for VBS? You’d be great at that!” is much more encouraging than “Why aren’t you using your gift for teaching in VBS this year?” Encourage them in what they're already doing, too. For example, “You’re always so kind to your younger brother. You are my example in how I should treat my siblings.” As you compliment your friends on what they are already doing, you will be encouraging them to keep doing it. Also, be sure you take to heart their challenges to you as well. After all, we all need some sharpening from time to time.

You Just Never Know

Maria laughed at her friends’ funny stories. She enjoyed being with her group of friends. Every Sunday she hurried to the same section of the sanctuary after church to talk with the same girls. They always invited each other to parties or events. Maria spent all the time she could with them. This particular Sunday, while Maria was still laughing, she glanced over toward the other side of the sanctuary and saw a girl she had seen at church before but never met. Her laughter faded. The girl was by herself; she looked lonely…and sad. Something inside Maria nudged her. What?! She questioned her conscience. Lord, I have great friends. It’s not like they’re bad influences. What if my friends are offended if I leave to talk to her? Then she remembered the verses her pastor had read in his sermon that day. “‘For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me…Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, “Lord…when did we see You a stranger and welcome You…?” And the King will answer them, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these My brothers, you did it to Me’”’ (Matthew 25:35, 38, 40, emphasis added). Maria sighed and looked back toward her giggling friends, already lost in another humorous story. Maria looked down at her feet. The nudge got stronger. She closed her eyes. She breathed deeply. She walked away from her friends and across the sanctuary. “Hi,” she said, offering her hand and mustering as much of a smile as she could, painfully conscious of her friends’ confused stares and comments behind her. “My name is Maria, it’s nice to meet you!” “I’m Amanda,” the girl smiled back.

As C.S. Lewis so insightfully asked, "Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a fire?" Having good friends is a wonderful thing. Friends can encourage, comfort, and help you. Close friends are special – when you have a lot in common and spend time together, close bonds are formed that can last for a long time. That’s great! Good friends can sharpen each other and encourage each other in their Christian walks. We have to be careful, though, that we don’t cause our friendships to become exclusive and avoid making any efforts to meet new friends. Sometimes it’s a very big circle around the fire!

About 2,000 years ago, a woman with a spotted past and broken life trudged wearily toward the town well to draw water – just like she did every day. This day, however, was different. There at the well she met the greatest Friend anyone could have: Jesus Christ. Unlike the twelve disciples, who were shocked to see Jesus break the social patterns of the time, Jesus didn’t care what others’ opinions were of this woman. He didn’t stop to see how the popular townspeople treated her. He already knew how much God loved her – and nothing in her past could change His love. Others in her life had given up on her, but Jesus reached out to her in love, just like He reached out to us, and just like He wants us to reach out to others (John 4:1-45).

Who would have thought that that same woman with a seemingly inexcusable past and a bleak, hopeless future would be the instrument of God’s choice in bringing the hope of Christ to her entire city (John 4:39-42)? It was only because Jesus Christ offered salvation and hope to someone socially opposite from Himself. While we can never be as great a friend as Jesus is, we know the hope that set us free, and can set free everyone around us. Because of Jesus’ kindness an entire city came to the saving knowledge of Christ. God can do great things through simple acts of obedience.

You just never know what may come of a friendly gesture. When you reach out to others in obedience to God with a humble heart of service, you never know what God may bring of it. Maybe a girl you stop to talk to really needs a friend and could use some godly advice. Or perhaps, if you strike up a conversation with a girl you’ve never met, you may discover that you have a lot in common. You might become close friends, and there could be a day when you need her friendship more than she ever needed yours. You just never know what could happen!

So if you were Maria, what would you have done? Would you have stayed with the friends you already have and let Amanda walk on by? Or would you have told your friends you’d see them later and offered your friendship to a girl who needed it? What will we choose next time we face such a decision? As an insightful man once said, “"The greatest thing a man can do for his Heavenly Father is to be kind to some of His other children” (Henry Drummond).

For a Friend's Sake

David, king of Israel, stood looking out his palace window on his kingdom. As in a dream, he saw the fruits of the victory God gave him over the dreaded Philistines as well as God’s gift to him of the Israelite kingdom itself. His mind went back to how it used to be.

It all had happened so fast. David had been serving his father by watching sheep, as he had done every day for years. Hurriedly, a servant came to bring him back to his father’s house; the famed prophet Samuel was visiting. None were more surprised than David himself when Samuel pronounced him king! He kept the matter quiet, waiting for God's perfect timing. Soon David found himself living in the king's quarters as a musician for King Saul. Then God gave him the incredible victory against Goliath.

That was when he became friends with Prince Jonathan, the son of King Saul. More precisely, that was when David and Jonathan became covenant friends, promising to be loyal to each other forever. David remembered the day well. Jonathan gave David his sword, armor, belt, and royal robe (1 Samuel 18:4) - very generous gifts from a prince to a shepherd. Things were looking great. But then everything changed. King Saul became jealous of David and tried to kill him – David vividly remembered almost being pinned to the wall by King Saul's spear while playing music for the king. Time and again, Saul would apologize, only to blow up in anger toward David again later on. Jonathan always stood in the gap for his friend, soothing his father and reasoning with him. Finally, David had an idea.

“‘Tomorrow is the new moon, and I should not fail to sit at table with the king. But let me go, that I may hide myself in the field till the third day at evening. If your father misses me at all, then say, “David earnestly asked leave of me to run to Bethlehem his city, for there is a yearly sacrifice there for all the clan.” If he says, “Good!” it will be well with your servant, but if he is angry, then know that harm is determined by him. Who will tell me if your father answers you roughly?’ And Jonathan said to David, ‘The LORD, the God of Israel, be witness! When I have sounded out my father, about this time tomorrow, or the third day, behold, if he is well disposed toward David, shall I not then send and disclose it to you? But should it please my father to do you harm, the LORD do so to Jonathan and more also if I do not disclose it to you and send you away, that you may go in safety. May the LORD be with you, as he has been with my father.’ Then Jonathan said to him, ‘Tomorrow is the new moon, and you will be missed, because your seat will be empty. On the third day go down quickly to the place where you hid yourself when the matter was in hand, and remain beside the stone heap. And I will shoot three arrows to the side of it, as though I shot at a mark. And behold, I will send the young man, saying, “Go, find the arrows.” If I say to the young man, “Look, the arrows are on this side of you, take them,” then you are to come, for, as the LORD lives, it is safe for you and there is no danger. But if I say to the youth, “Look, the arrows are beyond you,” then go, for the LORD has sent you away’” (1 Samuel 20:6-7, 10, 12-13, 18-22).

“My king?” A voice called David back from his reverie. “It is the servant of the house of Saul, whom you requested.”

“Yes,” said King David. “‘Are you Ziba?’

‘I am your servant.’

‘Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, that I may show the kindness of God to him?’

Ziba said to the king, ‘There is still a son of Jonathan; he is crippled in his feet’” (see 2 Samuel 9:2-4). David sent Ziba to bring the son of Jonathan to him. He dismissed his servants and turned to gaze out of the palace window again.

For two nerve-wracking days the young David hid until the appointed meeting time. Finally he heard Jonathan come out to shoot arrows. David waited. Jonathan shot an arrow, and his servant boy ran after it. Just as the boy reached the place where the arrow had fallen, Jonathan called out, “‘Is not the arrow beyond you? Hurry! Be quick! Do not stay!’” (1 Samuel 20:37-38). David felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. When the servant boy returned to the palace, Jonathan and David spoke together, not knowing when – or if – they would see each other again. Tearfully, they parted. David only saw Jonathan once after that day. David remembered how Jonathan had found David when he was hiding from Saul. Jonathan visited David for a short while and helped him find his strength in God (1 Samuel 23:15-18). Just like a true friend, David thought to himself.

David continued to run from Saul until the day Saul and three of his sons (including Jonathan) died in battle. David mourned deeply for his friend Jonathan. Never had he had a friend like Jonathan – and never would he find such a close friend again. How quickly everything changed with Saul's and Jonathan's deaths! Now David was king, and he found himself struggling to unite a country torn apart between two royal lines. David remembered Jonathan's last words to him from the day Jonathan went to encourage David: “You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you” (1 Samuel 23:17). He was never concerned for himself. He always looked out for me, David reflected.

David noticed commotion at the palace gate. His servants had returned – with the son of Jonathan, Mephibosheth. David paused, reflecting on the memory of his loyal friend. “Abdiel,” he called to one of his servants. “Tell the cook to set an extra place from now on. Mephibosheth always has a place at my table.”

“Yes, sire.”

“Oh, and Abdiel, return the land of Saul to his grandson: Mephibosheth, son of Jonathan.” As Abdiel left to do the bidding of the king, David smiled to himself as he watched Mephibosheth enter the palace grounds. For you, Jonathan, he thought to himself. For my loyal friend.

If...

"If in the fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself,
so that others are caused to feel unwanted;
if my friendships do not draw others deeper in,
but are ungenerous (i.e., to myself, for myself),

then I know nothing of Calvary love."

-Amy Carmichael, lifelong missionary to India